![]() ![]() At least, I think that’s what she said-I’ve never been good at interpreting dance (I fell asleep at The Nutcracker a few Christmases ago), so I’m depending on the translation from the green-skinned old man who licks the magic dance teen’s face. She dances out the future in her wet T-shirt, and decides that it’s more important to get hammered on leaded wine than to prevent a rampaging army from destroying the city, so that’s a no-go on the war, sorry Leonidas. It’s almost Spartan Mardi Gras, though, so the creepy old pervs have to ask their magic teen girl to determine whether or not war is acceptable. Leonidas knows the Persians are probably going to be mad about that whole shooting-the-messenger business, so he tries to get permission from his bosses (who are a bunch of syphilitic old perverts for…some reason) to rally the Spartan army and go to war. Presumably someone fishes the messenger’s body out later, otherwise everyone’s water is going to taste funny for a while. Leonidas doesn’t play like that, though, and kicks the unfortunate fellow into a handily gigantic well in the middle of the city. The rider has come to ask if the Spartans wouldn’t mind maybe please letting themselves be conquered by the Persians. The rider is a representative of Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), the self-proclaimed God-King of the Persian Empire. They are not big on compassion, the Spartans.Īnyway, one day, King Leonidas is busily punching his son in the face when a mysterious rider (Peter Mensah) appears. The movie also takes this opportunity to point out that any child born to Spartan parents who is, uh, “imperfect” in some way gets chucked off a cliff as an infant. The movie opens with a little flashback of Leonidas’ childhood, which mostly involved Baby Boy Fight Clubs and stabbing wolves to death, because the Spartans are so awesomehardcorebadass. The Spartans, as the movie will endlessly remind us, value only the ability to kick hella ass. Gerard Butler plays Leonidas, the leader of the Spartan city-state in ancient Greece. If you insist, we can go into a little more detail. Keep that in mind, because it’s going to become relevant later.Īnyway, the plot of 300 is very simple-the big bad army is coming and only 300 Spartans (plus like 700 other guys, but they’re not Spartans so who cares about them) can stop them! ![]() He’s also somewhat infamous for his…interesting…opinions of women and, more recently, Islam and the Middle East. He’s famous for his groundbreaking work in the ’80s, particularly on the landmark Batman story Dark Knight Returns, but he’s also the author of the Sin City comics, a significant run on Marvel’s Daredevil, and a number of other things. Miller, you see, is the author of the comic book (sorry, I mean GRAAAAPHIC NOOOVEL!!) upon which 300 is based. I was 23 when 300 first came out, and I was starting to struggle with some of the implications folded into the work of Frank Miller. It is like a carton of milk left in the school’s heating ducts over Christmas break-what was once a refreshing treat now curdled into an unpleasant sludge of chewy bits and fetid odors. Over the years, my opinion of this film has evolved from mild positivity to mild irritation to outright dislike, but these days it just makes me tired. 300, by contrast, is when the particular tics and obsessions that would come to characterize Snyder’s work started to become evident-a love (LOVE!) of slo-mo, a fascination with “cool” violence, and a fetishization of physical powerful and masculinity. That movie remains a lot of fun even to this day, and I wish I was reviewing it instead. Buckle up, my friends, for tonight we dine in hell!ģ00 was Zack Snyder’s second film after his 2004 debut, the actually-pretty-good remake of Dawn of the Dead. It’s a monument to style rather than substance, and a howling paean to the triumph of violence-as-philosophy. Watching Zack Snyder’s 300 is like being slapped in the face with a steak-it is obnoxious, painful, and a waste of perfectly good beef. Jacob Farley draws on some abs and charges into battle against the Zack Snyder/Frank Miller swords-and-sandals actioner 300 in this week’s look at the cinema of 2007. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |